How to Start Difficult Conversations with Your Manager: A Guide for Candidates

Even when workload, performance concerns, or uncertainty are weighing on you, having a clear and professional conversation with your manager can be empowering and constructive.

1. Prepare Thoughtfully

• Clarify your purpose. Are you seeking feedback, wanting to adjust workload, or understand performance expectations?

• Gather specific examples. For instance: “I’ve completed X and Y but missed Z due to competing deadlines.”

• Frame your thoughts with “I” statements: “I feel overwhelmed when deadlines overlap and this affects my ability to deliver quality work.”

Why it matters: Research emphasises preparing in advance with facts and examples to stay objective and solution-focused.

2. Start Positive and Reflect on Strengths First

Begin by acknowledging your contributions:

“I’m proud of how I navigated [project/task], and I’m keen to ensure I’m meeting expectations across the board.”

Then segue into concerns—this softens the entry into more challenging feedback.

3. Use a Structured Dialogue Approach

Here’s a helpful structure:

1. State what’s working well, then mention what’s challenging.

2. Provide clear examples of both.

3. Explain the impact on your performance or the team.

4. Invite dialogue: ask for feedback or suggestions.

Example:

“I’ve successfully delivered the last two presentations ahead of time, which helped the team refine strategy. However, juggling multiple briefings this week felt overwhelming, and I’m concerned that details may be missed. Could we discuss prioritisation or support options?”

This structured approach—positive–reflect–impact–ask—mirrors established frameworks for constructive feedback.

4. Ask for Feedback with Balance

Use the “Stop / Continue / Start” framework (what to stop doing, continue doing, start doing). It’s clear, concise, and invites actionable input.

5. Choose the Right Setting

• Schedule a private meeting, not a spontaneous drop‑in.

• Pick a time when your manager is less rushed and more receptive.

6. Listen Actively

• Avoid interrupting, show engagement through tone and body language.

• Paraphrase key points your manager raises to ensure clarity.

• Stay receptive—even to feedback that may be difficult to hear.

7. Co-Create Solutions

Don’t just raise issues—propose ideas:

“Perhaps we could adjust weekly checkpoints or lighten my workload when major deadlines overlap? I’m open to your thoughts.”

This proactive stance positions you as collaborative and invested in success.

8. Follow Up

After the conversation, send a brief email summarising:

• What you discussed

• Agreed next steps

• Any timelines you both set

Documenting the conversation helps avoid misunderstandings and shows professionalism.

9. Know When to Use Formal Routes

For non‑urgent matters, informal chats often work best. But if concerns remain unresolved or serious, check your workplace policies for formal avenues such as grievance or HR involvement.

10. Examples in Context

• Workload overload:
  “I’ve excelled in delivering accurate reports on time, but with the addition of urgent ad‑hoc tasks, I’m struggling to maintain that standard. Could we prioritise or explore temporary support?”

• Performance uncertainty:
  “I’m proud of taking initiative on the X project. Still, I'm uncertain if I’m meeting expectations in Y area—could you clarify where I should focus or improve?”

11. Create a Supportive Culture

Encourage your organisation to adopt practices such as regular check‑ins, open‑door policies, and transparent feedback culture - all of which enhance trust and reduce the anxiety around these conversations.

Preparing for a performance review? Read our candidate article here